New Jerseys
New Jerseys is the seventh episode of Season 2 of Basket Sponge. Plot LeBron orders new uniforms for the team. But they are ugly, itchy, and all-out horrible, so the team goes on strike until LeBron changes his mind. Transcript the middle of an intense game against the Seatown Strikers Muscular Dude: (dribbles in for a layup) SpongeBob: (tries to guard him, but the dude dribbles right through him, also ripping his uniform) Muscular Dude: (scores) SpongeBob: Hey! That was my uniform! LeBron: (from the sidelines) Hmmm..... next morning LeBron: Team! We lost an important game last night, and it was all because of one thing. Larry: SpongeBob's stupidity? LeBron: No. Krabs: Global warming? LeBron: Erm no. Plankton: You passing a kidney stone during the game? LeBron: (starts sweating) How'd you know about that? And NO!!! Patrick: Hillary Clinton? LeBron: Ewww, no! That's worse than passing a kidney stone! SpongeBob: Then what is it? LeBron: It's these lousy gay uniforms! Squidward: I think they're sexy. stares at him Squidward: Yeah I said it, bitc- LeBron: Alright! So- Patrick:' I think they're delicious! (eats his uniform) LeBron: You've eaten it before? Patrick: Hah! Every day! LeBron: Then how do you still have it? Patrick: I have to wait until it passes through my system. (squirms) There we go! Nope....that was a kidney stone. LeBron: Oh, gosh. Patrick: Almost there....(squirms, starts shaking) Ta-da! Oh......that's Hillary Clinton. LeBron: AHHHH!!!!! (whacks her with a broom) Get out! Get! Get! (runs her out of the gym) Patrick: This may take a while. LeBron: Forget about it. Because I've ordered NEW JERSEYS! (holds up a bag of the new uniforms) Patrick: Oh boy! We're going to New Jersey? Larry: No, dimwad. He ordered new jerseys. Patrick: He ordered plane tickets to New Jersey? EFF YEAH! I LOVE NEW JERSEY! Squidward: Who the hell likes New Jersey? LeBron: Who cares. Everyone, try these on. (throws each player their uniform) Krabs: (puts his on) ….it's a bit snug.....(breaks) Plankton: Hahaha you're fat. (receives his jersey) Holy crap, this thing's the SIZE of New Jersey! Krabs: Hahaha you're small. Plankton:' (bites his toe) Krabs: AAHH!!! SpongeBob: These uniforms.....they're so plain..... Squidward: And ugly....... Larry: And uncomfortable..... Patrick: (eats his) AWWHH!!!! DISGUSTING!!!! The old uniforms tasted WAAAY better! (passes his old uniform) Oh boy! It's back! (eats it again) Plankton: That's disgusting.... LeBron: So, enjoy your new uniforms, guys! Larry: I hate these piece-of-shit uniforms! LeBron: Wha??? Squidward: Yeah, these suck balls. (throws his uniform down, stomps on it) LeBron: But....I put a lot of work into these! Our other uniforms were too breakable! Krabs: Well these SUCK! LeBron: Too bad. Cuz guess what? You all HAVE to wear them. Patrick: Yayy!!!! Larry: No, Patrick, that's a bad thing. Patrick: Noooo!!! (chucks a rubber chicken at LeBron's head) LeBron: Oww! Dafuq? Squidward: Coach, this is stupid. Until you change your mind about these stupid uniforms, I QUIT!!! Krabs: Me tooo! Plankton: Me three! Krabs: You're more like 2 and a half, lad. Plankton: Aww. Larry: Same here! These uniforms are trash! WHITE trash! LeBron: Whoa, bro. Patrick: I quit too! I don't know what that means, but I'm with them! LeBron: Guys, this is ridiculous. Larry: YOUR MOM IS RIDICULOUS. LeBron: That is TOO far. Get your sorry butts OUT of my gym! I'll have you all replaced by tomorrow! Larry: FINE! Come on, guys! Squidward, Krabs, Plankton, and Patrick proceeded to exit the gym LeBron: (turns to SpongeBob) C'mon, SpongeBro. I can always count on you. You're staying, right? SpongeBob: Heh-heh....about that.......uh.......your fly's undone! (runs out the door) LeBron: (looks down) Dang it, I didn't even wear pants today! Lexi: Good thing you wore underwear. LeBron: AHHH!!!! Who are YOU????? Lexi: The new player...I've been here all season. LeBron: What the....how come you haven't said anything? Lexi: Frankly, I'm the quiet type. LeBron: Okay...you're not leaving the team? Lexi: No way! I'm fine with the uniforms! LeBron: That's awesome! Wait.....I forgot you were on the team, so I didn't even get you a uniform.... Lexi: Exactly. That's why I'm fine with them. (smiles) LeBron: (sigh) Whatever. At least you're staying. Unlike those other dummies. Lexi: So, you wanted to replace them? LeBron: Yeah, but I don't know who- Lexi: I KNOW SOME PEOPLE!!! LeBron: Okay, who? Lexi: I'll bring all my friends tomorrow morning! LeBron: Great! Let's get the ball rollin'. Haha. No pun intended. Lexi: (awkwardly stares at him) LeBron: (sigh) Never mind. next morning LeBron: (enters the gym with a cup of coffee) Sup, homies. Lexi: I brought my friends! LeBron: AHHHH!!!! Who are YOU???? Lexi: Oh my God. LeBron: Relax, JK dawg. Let me see your homies. Lexi: Allow me to introduce you to Dickie, Freddie, Mr. Testicles, Jingle Puss, and Philbert! points to a baby doll, a mop with a drawn face, a waffle with two cherries for eyes, a shoe, and a dead mouse LeBron: Ummm....these are all your friends, eh? Lexi: (psychotically) I know right???? :D LeBron: Weirdo.... Lexi: ????? LeBron: Why is there a mouse underwater, anyway? Lexi: It's a dead mouse! LeBron: (facepalm) You hurt my brain. Lexi: (looks out the window) Look outside, Coach! Outside Larry: (marching, on strike) I don't know, but I've been I told! Everyone: I don't know, but I've been told! Patrick: I like mayonnaise covered in mold! Larry: No, Patrick. Patrick: I like pickles that are old! Larry: Erm, no. Patrick: I LIKE FREAKING TRAINS- Larry: (chucks a brick at Patrick) Patrick: OUCH!! Inside LeBron: Haha, idiots. Lexi: (staring at Patrick) He is so amazing..... LeBron: What? Lexi: I swear, I'm gonna marry that man.... LeBron: Who? Larry? He's a hunk, but he's a dick. Lexi: Not Larry. I'm talking about....tee-hee......Patrick! <3 LeBron: WHAT?! Excuse me for a minute. (he runs to the corner, and dumps a butt-load of pills into the trash can; he runs back to Lexi) Now, where were we? Lexi: Patrick, he's just.....the man of my dreams. LeBron: Excuse me for a minute. (he runs to the corner, and dumps a bottle of liquor into the trash can) Lexi: Coach! Stop it! I want some! LeBron: Sorry, I dumped it all out. Lexi: (lightbulb dings) That's it! I know how we can get Patrick back on the team! LeBron: Uh....do we really WANT Patrick back on the team? Lexi: Yes, and I know how. I need to seduce him and make him join the team! LeBron: He's so dumb that it may actually work. Lexi: Aww yeah! goes outside Lexi: (to Patrick) Hey, big boy. (winks) Patrick: You think I'm fat? What the HECK! Lexi: (starts scratching his chin) Let's take this somewhere....private..... Patrick: (getting turned on) I like that...... two of them kiss Lexi: I love you. Patrick: I love you too, bae. hop on a plane, and fly off to their honeymoon LeBron: Grrrrr!!!!! Now I lost Lexi! My last freaking player!!!! and the rest of them are still outside going on strike LeBron: Hmmm....but I got the perfect chance to ditch Patrick! And Lexi! It's a double win! I can't miss this opportunity! What an improvement! :D gets a mega-phone, and goes outside LeBron: Attention, former team. I've agreed to ditch these new uniforms, and go back to the old ones. SpongeBob: HOORAY!!!! Larry: Aww yeah, baby! LeBron: But, we need to make sure Patrick and Lexi never come back! Plankton: I can handle that! (presses a button on a remote) Squidward: ….what did that do? LeBron: It better not hurt them! I just want them off the team! Plankton: Don't worry about it. It's just something I installed in Patrick's brain while he was sleeping. see Patrick and Lexi sitting on a beach somewhere Lexi: (places her hands on Patrick's face) Baby..... Patrick: (explodes) Lexi: .....what